After thirty (mumble) years, I’ve finally figured out what my problem is <insert drum roll>. I have a split personality. Completely not qualified to go all psychoanalytical here (though I had such an awesome Psychology professor in college, I almost switched majors). But the whole theory explains a lot in my life. So for kicks (clearly my life is not very exciting), I’ve decided to name both of them and talk in third person (my husband is thrilled, of course). I’ve got a friend who’s doing it too. We’ve even discovered one of his alter egos is a female. How’s that for enlightenment? I dare you to try it when you’re in the mood for some introspection (like after a high school reunion). Hey, you might even determine you have more than two. Write them down. Writing is always a good thing. Let me introduce you to the two Suzi’s (for the record, my co-blogger Suzy is completely innocent in my lunacy). Here’s my example:
Susan— can count to three and have her children snap to obedience (most of the time), is a “what you see is what you get” kind of girl and wishes more people were the same, listens to Contemporary Christian music, impatient but has learned how to fake it, a slightly cynical realist, sarcastic, likes to use big words (especially Latin derivatives) just to watch people fake like they understand what she says, tends to be a bit self-righteous, is quite skilled in emotionally abusing herself for the things she’s done wrong, and believes true love exists but is jaded enough to know that happily ever after isn’t a sure thing.
Suzi—perpetual hopeless romantic 17 year old who has wanted to be nothing other than a writer since the age of 12, puts her heart before her head which has been known to get her into trouble, likes her music loud, played by real instruments, and preferably sung by guys who had long hair and leather pants, billowy open shirt optional though highly recommended, loses her train of thought easily, wait, don’t forget the black boots on the guy with long hair, um what was I saying? Oh, yeah maintains a list of guidelines for a perfect kiss (available upon request), favorite expression is “it’s not fair”, thinks happy endings should be required by law, believes with every cell in her body that true love absolutely, positively exists and is worth waiting for, LOVES to talk…well ramble really, gets her feelings hurt easily and cries without effort, laughs loudly and has been known on occasion to snort if the person she is with is particularly funny, especially her brother, and when she gives her heart to you, she gives it for life.
Oh, alright. No new concepts here, right? Bit of id and ego with a splash of superego. Yay, Freud. Even Biblically speaking, we are told we are at war with our flesh. Clearly Susan is the mind and Suzi is the heart and flesh. And even though they often end up on the floor punching each other like siblings for control, they can’t exist without each other.
It’s that way for all of us, depending on our location and company. At work, we show whichever alter ego conveys responsibility. At our place of worship, whichever is moral. In front of our children we are authoritative yet loving, an opportunity for a coordination of our different selves. And lying in the arms of true love, we can hopefully be all of our selves, completely vulnerable and whole.
So, make your list. I dare you. My hat’s off to you if you find more than two personalities. Two is all I can possibly handle. Please be more original with your names. And you absolutely must talk in third person. Just don’t be surprised when your kids start doing it too. J-Suzi Ryan